Heineken Crapkeg

Perhaps my least favorite ad of recent months is the Heinken Draughtkeg ad.

You know, this one:



My problems don't even relate to the general poor quality of Heinken - not as bad as Miller High Life, but just a generally unjustifiable beer. "Hey, I like Budweiser, but I think foreign things make me seem more sophisticated." Not to me, pal.

Let's start with the first word of the "song" - FUTURISTIC.
I don't think so. First of all, we have robots NOW that move more smoothly and that creep me out less than this pallid robobroad. And there's certainly nothing futuristic about her 20s flapper hairdo.

The color scheme of the whole ad just sickens me. When I see this chick's skin, the words that come to my mind are "kidney failure." Which may in fact be a side-effect of Heineken abuse.

Also - INNOVATIVE? Not so much. Minikegs of European beers have been around for decades. I get that this is pressurized or something but if you need a lot of Heineken, get a pony keg. If you don't, get a 12 pack. Is there really a niche for this product? Novelty, I guess. Around the holidays you used to see magnums of Heineken for sale. I bought one once. Pwn3d.

And why are there suddenly three of them at the end??? One was plenty ugly, now there's triplets for no good reason! Nothing about this whole endeavor makes me likely to pick up a Heineken, and actually may serve as a reminder that I probably drink too much as it is.